Utter Loss of Control....

What happens when one gets to attached to the figment of the world he has created for himself. There is no worse feeling then when the utter lack of control on the inside is about to seep into the figment world you have created. All the hard work to create the allusion that you are in control could be ruined by just a drop of your inside coming out. outside you have painted yourself as completely in control and without a doubt successful. yes your life seems like the perfect picture, everything goes your way. you have complete control of your surroundings the illusions have come together perfectly and you have manipulated your way to the top. yet inside you are screaming, you are in pain, you feel empty. what all have you achieved if you are truely alone on the inside. it is power, you have the control, and to have this control you have to sacrafice. you cannot be weakened by senseless human emotions that spin webs of illusions that lead to emptiness, or at the very least take the control form you. now the dilemna at hand is if you are willing to cede some of the power of your allusions to so called emotions, desires, and the depravity that comes with them. remember you have the choice to let go and perhaps fall into the allusion we all dream off the one illusion that we could stay in forever or we could be lied to and fall into an illusion that is only superficial and dissolves once you fall in it. leaving you with nothing more then pain and less power over your own allusion. perhaps it is worth the risk, perhaps the emptiness inside of you drives you to a point where you can no longer form false illusions of happiness to fill the void.
yet to me the risk is tempting, the wind blows the light towards me, but it is a false light it seems that shatters my illusion. the emptiness is still there, just that perhaps before there had been a hint of hope. a dream that that one would come and save me form ripping out of my illusion of control. yet its disappointment gives me strength to fight the tearing, pushing my emptiness, true emptiness back into the depths of my heart, and dulling the pain, at least to a tolerable level, were desire has already been locked away. and so i continue in my daily routine of creating the allusion of myself, making illusions towards others that is who i am. perhaps one day my black emptiness will be filled with the desire i want most, but that day is no where near or can not be seen but perhaps lies over the horizon. as the wind changes i feel my illusion building already, covering up what could have been with something new. the illusion continues but the soul lingers on the damned event.. perhaps it was just another lie. ...

truth...lie..causality