desire...

It is said that desire is desire, it cannot be bleached out by the sun, washed away by the ocean or burned away by fire. perhaps there is some truth is this, but then again desire is just another one of mans figments. but yet i question if only such an illusion, then it must be a powerful one. one that can drive a man to do many of things. yet it is an illusion that also fills a mans desire to be drive, to strive for.

but sometimes it is desire that inevitably drives a man to his own created destruction. a place where his mind has created such a real image that he does not know it is not true. perhaps we all find ourselves there at one point or another, some find themselves deeper into the illusion than others, others can in a seconds notice turn of this image and return to our illustrious yet fictitious reality in which we live in. some forget these side worlds of images we create to forget, to find pleasure or to even punish ourselves in.

for me most of the time desire has been something attainable always in the illusionary world where i have most of the control. yet desire has never favored satisfactorily in the event of a real soul. when dealing with entities it becomes so much more complicated, one must consider their reaction and action. yet here is where desire becomes a burden, it starts to affect not only the surface of myself but actually if strong enough the mind and soul, as a poison seeping into my body slowly. it is to the point to where i do not know what the desire was, was it true attraction or has it twisted itself into a concept of possession with no other reason. when desire becomes to deep is when it becomes fatal and most likely unattainable without you giving up power, something the mind is not willing to do.

so for those deep into desire with no point, those who's desire has turned into a twisted poisoned idea deep in their minds, it is here where it starts to hurt. a hurt powerful enough to weaken the person, yet it affects us in different ways. as for me it sparks a hatred, a hatred that hurts me inside. a hatred that sits inside of me but does not let me turn its energy on desire.

as a confession, one desire will never hear, i have to say... i hate the fact that i cannot hate you even though it hurts me deeply not to do so...

all in all at the end it is just another illusion, one that hurts because i have let it hurt me. perhaps one day a true desire will come, one not poisonous, but pure. one with who to create an illusion of worlds not to hid in or hurt oneself in, but to fulfill the desires and harmony of each.. some day

truth...lie...causality

The beginning of the end...

I believe it has finally arrived, the beginning of the end of what used to be the past, and now a step in into what appears to be the future. again i say that with caution because since this is all just an illusion then well there is really no past or future. but then again if there is no future then what are we moving towards? hmm.. well in this illusion we all create for ourselves i am starting to clear my slate, at least the parts i want to clear.

change is coming and change that is good at least i hope. the winds seem to be in my favor for all my endeavours, at least most. as per say i usually get what i put as my goals and my wants, but then again if i didn't i would not be who i am now would I? but then again i suppose that in this illusion as much as it is controlled by me, i should give myself a break. even with that i should be satisfied, which i am but at the same time there is that piece that's lacking. that piece that would set me in perfection, at least for a little time since well perfection only exists for a seconds and then you breath and its gone.

the piece that's missing is always the same piece. it is the cruel doing of fate that usually end up leaving me with an incomplete picture and although i can see the whole picture there still that dark spot that permeates into my thoughts late at night. that inability that haunts me in my dreams deep into the night. cruel fate also tempts me oh so many times, but its usually by moonlight and just more temptations along the illusionistic path formed in front of me.
for now my Persephone is no one, although lately memory has brought thoughts of one of the past. one who was cruelly taken by faith.

faith, to me as cruel as fate yet ignorantly blinding. faith is one of the illusions that most use, including myself to calm people, to bring them into your hand. how hypocritical but yet poetic that my perfection was taken away by the game i so eagerly play. yet for now i am satisfied with what replaces that dark and dreary hole in my existence. this entity fills my void with something warm, but it also brings along its own fate. so let it be clear that its fate is not tied to my illusionistic path. let us remind the ignorant reader that as faith leads the blind, we who control our own illusion control those who are in it. and it is those that realize how to manipulate the illusion are the ones that always win.

so as it seems the lovers end is at the beginning of the end of an unexisting love. perhaps an illusion in an illusion created by the mind and seeded by fate. which grew into a false pretense of completeness but never perfection. and as the winds change direction that illusion within the illusion disappears leaving it poison behind, Not potent enough to cause death and cloud the mind, but diluted enough to let the mind and body feel the warmth of being complete, and perhaps tempting fate at its own game, waiting for the cruel lady's next move with the coming wind...

truth...lie...causality